Primary Politics

GUANTANAMO GOES GREEN
Report From The Office Of Greener Homeland Security

Not to be out done by the inconvenient truth of Al Gore's environmental activism, President Bush, in preparation of polishing his legacy, has announced plans to green Guantanomo base in Cuba has part of what the administration calls "a spring house cleaning. " Beltway insiders already applaud the fact that the new CIA headquarters in Virginia has been given LEED status by the USGBC, the coveted green certification that endorses sustainable building.

The foreign bases will not however seek the USGBC's LEED certification despite the fact that LEED is now spreading to places like China and India. The Office For Greener Homeland Security has stated in a recent press release: "From now on we intend to seek our own private Green Certification for all facilities, for all War on Terror prisons, whether they be secret or not. The new secret certification system is called Green Water."

These soon to be green facilities will include detention centers and other secret and not so secret compounds in Europe, The Middle East, Asia as well as the United States.

The Office For Greener Homeland Security's report went on to say "Due to security risks we are not able to seek official LEED certification as part of the U.S. Green Building Council's LEED program, but we have set up our internal green building guidelines using the USGBC's program as a model."

When asked about specific changes that will be made to war on terror facilities around the globe to make them more green and sustainable, an official stated: "Kitchens will be outfitted with Solar Ovens to start. And all prison informs will be made with organic cotton. Believe it or not, we have actually gotten a lot of support from detainees. If they have to rot in jail for the rest of their lives, they might as well help save the planet from self destruction"